I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
