oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my poor anus
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize