I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize