I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize
