tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
