I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
