If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
