Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
