What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
