If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
