This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
