Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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