my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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