Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Randomize
