I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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