she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
