wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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