Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
