I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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