I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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