I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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