Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
