dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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