so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
