Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
