I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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