i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
