He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
