Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
