When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I am morally bankrupt
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
