Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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