so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Found the puke drawer
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
