i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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