Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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