This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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