maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
