Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
