watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
