dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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