i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize