I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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