He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize