Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
