Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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