tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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