i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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