Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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