he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
