well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
