I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
