woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
