If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
