She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
