you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
