Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
