Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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