DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
