I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
