I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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