I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
