the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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