Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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