If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
