we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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