The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
