eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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